Attributes of a Corrosion Engineer

In the NACE Resource Center, an article Attributes of a Corrosion Engineer lists some of the characteristics a corrosion engineer needs in order to be successful:

• Knowledge of corrosion
  
• Knowledge of corrosion resistant characteristics of materials
  
• Knowledge of corrosive characteristics of chemicals
  
• Information on physical and mechanical properties of materials
  
• Information on availability and cost
  
• Information on fabrication techniques
  
• Knowledge of special requirement of what is being produced
  
• Proficiency in planning, executing, and interpreting test programs
  
• Ability to get along with others
  
• Common sense

Norm Moriber’s hilarious article (PDF, 84k) "Out of the Norm" in November, 2001 issue of Materials Performance listed some more characteristics of a corrosion engineer, in the style of Jeff Foxworthy (i.e. "you might be a corrosion engineer if ...").

I've added a few to Norm's list:

You might be a corrosion engineer if you think the expression “watching paint dry” is misapplied to boring situations.

You might be a corrosion engineer if you can’t explain what you do for a living without 20 minutes, a PowerPoint presentation, a voltmeter and a reference electrode.

To the corrosion engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1) things that need to be protected against corrosion, and
(2) things that can be consumed to protect category 1.

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the corrosion engineer, it needs more copper sulfate crystals.

You might be a corrosion engineer if ...

• in college you thought Spring Break could have been an environmentally-assisted cracking failure.
  
• you can type 70 words per minute with two fingers but can't read your own handwriting.
  
• you see a good design and still have to change it.
  
• you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
  
• you still own an analog multi-meter larger than a television set and know how to use it.
  
• you window shop at Radio Shack
  
• people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
  
• your hot water heater will last longer than you expect to live.
  
• you've already calculated how much you make per second.
  
• your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
  
• you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
  
• you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts. With a pocket. And you wear them with ties. For extra credit: with clip-on ties.
  
• you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
  
• you can remember the galvanic series potentials of forty different metals but not your anniversary.
  
• you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. You make maintenance suggestions.
  
• you are offended by any of these jokes. Extra credit if you write a scathing letter to the editor. Double points if written on a typewriter.
  
• you write a follow-up to an MP article published nine years ago.